He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize