I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
