i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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