if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
MIDGETS
????
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize