we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I supernannyed him into submission
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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