She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am naked and annoyed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
