Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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