At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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