conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
