Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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