Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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