Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I came so hard my ears popped.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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