So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
