it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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