Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
