Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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