I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
