Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
