Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
