beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
