Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
