I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
