I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
