i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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