Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
