Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize