I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
