it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
