it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
