my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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