HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
