be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
