Whod you bang
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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