had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
