We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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