and next time when you feel me up, do it right
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
