Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
