There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
