come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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