Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
