i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Randomize
