Kiss
Puke
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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