I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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