I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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