i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
