Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
