if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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