Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
