Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
