I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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