i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize