sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
