He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
