Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
