there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
