wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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