I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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