try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
