I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
