i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
