Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
