just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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