You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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