Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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