Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize