I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
