remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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