he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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