Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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