How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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