I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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