I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
