so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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