idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
