apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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