I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
