I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
