I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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