the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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